Rest and Trust
Happy October everyone!! While many of you are probably enjoying some cooler temperatures, beautifully colorful trees, and cozy sweaters, we are enjoying the springtime here in Bolivia. It has been extremely hot, and it's hard to imagine how it is going to get hotter. The flowers are pretty, but sometimes it throws me off since it feels like it should be fall. I found my pumpkin flavored chapstick a couple days ago and it was such a happy moment as I remembered the wonderful things about fall back home. I love how seemingly insignificant things back home can bring such sweet joy here, and I have loved being able to embrace the simple pleasures here that make me smile a little extra. :)
I was thinking this would be a shorter blog post, because it doesn't seem like very much has happened in the last couple of weeks. I am still recovering from dengue fever and have spent most of the last couple of weeks resting in bed. However, as I looked back, I realized there is actually quite a bit I could tell. I have seen God's faithfulness so clearly, and He has been teaching me a lot in the last couple of weeks.
Nirza had a fever for a few days earlier this week and was so proud to be sick with Teacher Kelsey and Teacher Lauren. <3
Since I found out exactly two weeks ago on my day off that I had dengue fever, I've never explained what happened. On the evening of September 25, I got a high fever, and my fever came and went for about two days with a low temp hanging on for about a week after. I still went to town the next day for my day off to blog and rest in the hammocks at Hotel Takana. At the hotel, Sophia (the nurse) was monitoring Ellie (the gardener) since she had found out a few days earlier that she had dengue fever. Dengue fever is a mosquito-borne disease that is not often fatal, but it can become dangerous if the person's blood pressure drops too low as this can be a sign of internal bleeding. However, this is more common for those who get dengue the second time. After the fever breaks, blood pressure should be monitored for the following 48 hours as that is the critical time period in which things could take a turn for the worse. There is a lot more info about dengue fever online, so I won't go into more detail here. :)
While I was resting at Takana, Sophia asked about some random bruising in a few places on my legs. I couldn't remember how I had gotten them, and it was very strange. That concerned Sophia, so she did a test with the blood pressure cuff on my arm that resulted in enough concern for her to send me to the clinic with Matthew for blood testing. I have never had issues with shots, but needles in my veins is a whole different story. It is a big fear of mine. I've never had success donating blood, because when they get the needle in my arm, I can't relax enough for my blood to flow fast enough. I was very nervous as we made our way to the clinic for the labs. Thankfully, it went smoothly and fairly quickly! It was also more sanitary than I expected except for the dog sniffing my feet right before they stuck the needle in my arm. We got the results back a few hours later. I had dengue fever, and I was negative for the antibodies. This meant that I was early on in the disease and had not yet developed the antibodies to fight it off. My platelets were below the normal range, but not super dangerously low.
Because of the inescapable heat, Ellie and I split the cost of getting a room at Takana so we could sleep with AC and in comfortable beds. We spent the following two nights in town at Takana. Sophia stayed with us to take care of us and monitor our blood pressure. I got my second round of labs on Friday (9/27), and it was pretty bad. I must have been horribly dehydrated or extra tense and nervous, because the needle was in my arm for a long time and it was very painful. The results from that round of labs showed my platelets still below the normal range but a little higher than the previous day. This was good news!
I got my final round of labs late morning on Saturday. My platelets were a little higher once again, so it was encouraging to see the trend in the right direction. We headed back to Familia Feliz Saturday afternoon, and I spent the next two nights in the clinic. Thankfully, my blood pressure never dropped super low, so I was out of the critical period of time. However, I was far from a return to normal.
I returned to my house on Monday, and I was so happy to see my girls. I had missed them so much! As much as I wanted to help with the never-ending list of things to do, I had no strength. I had to spend most of the day resting in bed. Because I was in no state to be running my house alone on Tuesday (Lauren's day off), Teacher Gabby took over for the day. That was a huge blessing!
Tuesday night, things took a turn for the worse. Lauren (my co-houseparent) got a high fever in the night. In my weak state, I ended up getting the girls fed and ready for school in the morning alone. By the time they left for school, I was drained. Lauren then left for town to get a blood test. Looking at the day ahead of me, I knew I did not have the strength to take care of my girls alone. I was concerned about Lauren, overwhelmed by the seemingly impossible day ahead of me, and facing a dirty house, a sink of dirty dishes, and a broken refrigerator full of moldy, rotten produce. I needed to talk to Carlie and Emilie about it all, so I went over to the Lilas. Emilie told me she had made extra food, so she could feed my girls lunch. That was a huge relief as I didn't have the strength to cook for 10 people.
I went back to my house, but, lacking the strength and courage to go inside and start cleaning up, I sat down on the sidewalk in front of the house to text my mom for a little bit. As I was struggling not to cry and recording a voice message for my mom, Aiden (assistant houseparent of the Leones/maintenance man/teacher's aid) walked up bringing something of Lauren's from their day off. I'm certain that God sent him at that very moment, because after understanding what was going on, he offered to help me clean the house. He was able to do all the things that required the strength I didn't possess at the time. We washed the dishes and deep cleaned the horrible-smelling broken fridge that was full of spoiled produce. When my 3 preschoolers returned from school, we all went over to the Lilas. I was able to rest while Aiden played with my girls and 2-year-old Santiago (the youngest kid at Familia Feliz who lives at the Lilas house). Laney (a teacher) came over after school for the afternoon so I could finally lay down. I was about to drop.
The week continued in a cycle of resting, helping out when I had some energy, feeling exhausted again, and resting some more. I was switching out with Lauren as we both couldn't do very much. Laney was at the house to help us when she could, which was a huge blessing, but Lauren and I were not improving.
Friday morning (10/4) I felt horrible, but Lauren woke up feeling good. She got the kids to school, but our 3 energetic preschoolers do not have school on Fridays. She was so tired after the morning and really needed to rest. We were both in no state to be up and about, but the kids had to be watched and lunch needed to be made for when the others got back from school. I told Lauren to go to bed, and I went out to watch the littles and make a simple lunch for the girls. God once again provided the help we needed through Aiden. It was such a blessing to see how God provided over and over again just what we needed right when we needed it that entire week. Aiden came over to watch the girls so I could just sit at the table and chop the veggies for the salad while the rice and lentils cooked on the stove.
The entirety of the week seemed like a never-ending cycle of starting to feel like I had energy, helping out for a little bit in my house, and setting myself back to exhaustion. It was extremely defeating, and by Saturday, it was taking a toll on me mentally. I was extremely discouraged, but I felt like I couldn't escape the cycle and fully rest. My fellow houseparent had dengue and salmonella, but although I was only at about 30% strength from my battle with dengue, I was constantly hearing my girls, being aware of their needs, and going out of my room to help as much as I could. I know how hard it is to be a houseparent in my house, so I felt horribly guilty laying in bed while another person was taking on the struggle of caring for my girls.
By the end of the week, I knew something had to change. Lauren and I needed to be able to fully rest if we were ever going to regain our strength. Max (the director of Familia Feliz) decided Lauren and I would move into Laney's room in the upstairs of the Lilas house, and Laney would move into our room for the week. (this week) It was exactly what we needed, and I cannot even express how much it has helped. While I still have not regained all my strength, I would say I'm at about 70-80% health. Being removed from my house has forced me to fully rest and take care of myself. I was reminded that taking care of myself was the best thing I could do for my girls during this time. If I wanted to be able to offer them what they needed, I had to regain my strength first. I'm so incredibly thankful for Laney and Teacher Gabby as they have taken over my house for the week. The worst part of dengue (in my opinion) is the longggg recovery process. It hits everyone differently, but for me, it has stolen all my strength so that I get super tired after doing the most simple things. I pray that, although it has been very slow, I would continue to regain my strength and that I would be able to get back to the health I had before my battle with dengue.
By far the hardest thing about the last two weeks has been feeling stuck in a hopeless state of never ending fatigue and exhaustion. God has been teaching me so much, though, and I'm so thankful for the extra time I was able to spend in prayer and Bible study. I learned a lot about the importance of rest. I also was given the opportunity to see God's care and faithfulness over and over again. He has always proven Himself trustworthy, and I was challenged to simply trust and rest in His perfect love and care for me and those I love.
In the last two weeks, five of the student missionaries here have gotten dengue fever, and several have gotten salmonella as well. It has been rough lately, health-wise, but it is amazing to see how everyone helps out to pick up the responsibilities of those who need to recover from sickness. God is good, and we are so blessed!
Looking toward the future, I should be moving back to my house in the next few days as I start to help out again. I pray that the transition back would be smooth for Lauren and I and that our bodies will continue to heal and regain strength. We would also appreciate prayers that none of us would get dengue a second time as it is often much more dangerous the second time around.
Thank you so much for your love, support, and prayers in the last couple of weeks! I am missing home, family, and friends a little extra but feeling so blessed to have something so good to miss. I am missing something that most of my kids don't have and cannot understand, and that is a sobering thought. It is anything but easy here. But as much as I miss home, I wonder how I am ever going to leave this place. It's a concept I could dive into much more, but I'll save that for another blog post.
Hasta luego!! :)
Psalm 34:17-18
"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Soli Deo Gloria
So glad to hear you are recovering and will able to return to your girls soon. God bless you!
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