Love and Lessons

Welcome family and friends!! <3

Words cannot come close to expressing my gratitude for the love and support I have received and continue to receive as I settle into my new way of life here in Bolivia. Thank you all so much for the countless sweet messages of encouragement, the great financial support to make this mission year possible, and the many prayers you have offered on my behalf. I thank God for the blessing of the strong support of friends and family that He has used to encourage my heart many times already. Thank you SO much!!

My prayer is that God would use this blog to glorify His name and raise awareness about the great need and the great work that God is doing at Familia Feliz in Bolivia! I hope you are blessed, and thank you for taking the time to share in my experiences.

Although it may be different than most blogs, mine will serve as a digital diary of my life as a 19 year old mom to 10 girls. I vastly prefer to record my thoughts, experiences, and emotions by hand in my journals, so that is how I use most of my free time. However, that is not the best way to share my experiences with the people I love back home. Therefore, I will be transferring excerpts from my journals into my blog posts in an attempt to share my various stories, raw emotions, and life-changing experiences that fill my days. I'll also mix in the many photos I take so that you can more easily picture my new home and daily happenings.

While it goes against my perfectionistic personality, my goal is to make blogging as stress-free and beautifully imperfect as possible. Because I only have time and wifi to work on it while I'm in town once a week on my day off, the last thing I want is for it to feel like homework. So I will do my best to convey my experiences and emotions in a genuine and engaging way without spending hours finding the most perfect wording for each thought. 

The name of my blog, "Sunrise to Sunset", is based on Psalm 113:3, which says, "From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!" --  and also because one of my favorite activities is watching sunrises and sunsets!! :) God is the most captivating artist! From the rising of the sun to its setting, may my girls see Jesus in me, and may His name be glorified through my thoughts and actions as I seek to honor Him in all I do.

Again, thank you so much for your time, care, and interest in my student missionary experience! So much love from Bolivia!! <3

Journal Entry 8/18/24

"I thought it would be wise to reflect on why I am doing what I'm doing before I leave the country. At the moment I am sitting on the floor in the Miami airport all by myself waiting for the rest of my team to arrive. I pushed my cart with all four of my checked bags and my carryon through the airport for a while til I found an outlet where I could plug in my phone and laptop. I have flown only once before in my life, so I feel like I’ve jumped in the deep end and been put into a situation of serious adulting! It has been fun, but I can’t wait for these 5+ hours alone in Miami to be over! 

"What have I done?" This question has hit me like a brick very often for the last week. Why am I doing this? Why am I not going back to college this fall? Why am I saying goodbye to my family in the airport while my heart breaks because of the tears on the faces of my siblings? Why am I so tired after getting only 1.5 hours of sleep the night before and struggling to sleep in cars and planes? Why am I flying through the night tonight to reach a place where I am going to spend the next 9 months of my life in serious discomfort? 

Because how could I do any less?

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks alternating between intense excitement and expectation and serious dread and fear as I packed and repacked my bags, trying so hard to keep everything under the weight limit. To be completely honest, there has been spiritual warfare for my mind. Praise the Lord that as I cried out to him, He gave me His promises to claim, godly friends to encourage me, and peace that passes understanding.

I stayed up til 2am last night (which is why I got only 1.5 hours of sleep) repacking and reconsidering what I was bringing. I found out that the Bolivian airline has weight limits for your carryon and personal items, limits that my Delta domestic flight did not have. I feel very numb, and I’m having a hard time believing that I am actually the girl sitting on the floor of the Miami airport alone with her four checked bags and her carry on and personal item. I don’t feel like that same girl who is flying out of the country for the first time (besides Canada, but that doesn’t really count for a Michigander haha!) to arrive in a third world country, where she will stay for 9 months giving to broken children such a depth of love and care that she knows she won’t possess apart from God."

Packing and repacking!

11 hour layover in Miami

We all made it!

Sat by the sweetest lady on this flight :)

Journal Entry 8/19/24

"I made it to Familia Feliz after 32+ hours of travel on around 5 hours of sleep in two nights. I got here hotter than I've ever been, so tired, and very dehydrated. However, when the truck pulled into the driveway and the children ran to greet us--some boys even jumping up on the back of the truck--my heart was filled up with joy. I couldn't stop smiling and tears filled my eyes as these precious girls ran up to me and put their arms around me. They eagerly wanted to know my name and also asked what house I'd be staying in. These precious girls were so genuine and I wanted to scoop them all up and tell them how much they were loved. I wished with all my heart that I could know what they were saying and that I could tell them that I cared and was so excited to be there and live with them! But the language will come and the barrier broken down in the process."

Love them!

Pinkie

Nirza

Journal Entry 8/25/24

"Where do I even begin? It feels like I'm trapped in a new world completely. The normal way of life to these kids is foreign, exhausting, and extremely difficult. Why am I here? I've asked this so much, and I've cried almost every day. How do I establish expectations and listen to my girls when we don't understand each other? My Spanish is so bad right now. When the girls don't want to obey, which for a few is very often, I can't reason with them. They are so stubborn, and I'm so discouraged. Last night Zeinet was so scared/refusing to get in bed."

[She was scared an animal would come in through the rip in the screen by her bed and eat her. This is actually such a valid fear, because the cats do come in through the rips in the window screens. Even though we put stuff in the window to block the rip in the screen, she refused to get in bed. She wouldn't respond to us, and was just fighting with all the strength in her little 5-year-old body to get out of the room. Because we couldn't speak enough Spanish to convince her that she would be ok and needed to go to bed, we called Sierra. She came and convinced Zeinet she would be safe like a bean in a burrito! God has provided so much help through other student missionaries who do speak Spanish, and for that I am so incredibly thankful! Thankfully, Justin fixed that screen and the one in my room recently so the cats can't get in as easily and Zeinet has one less reason not to go to bed.]

"I need wisdom. I want to go home, but how can I leave a place where the need is so great? God has called me here, and He is walking with me. He is there when I'm so tired of Spanish. He is giving me divine patience when Nirza refuses to wash her plate. [She's my biggest trouble maker, and the power struggles are crazy! But she's equally just as fun and silly! :)] He gives me remembrance of words when Fabiola  is sobbing in my arms because her mom never visits her. [It was Sunday, visiting day when the family of some of the kids are allowed to come and visit them. I could physically feel the pain my sweet, cheerful, helpful, and affectionate Fabiola was carrying in her heart as I held her sobbing in my arms. Her parents separated, and her dad is in prison. The man that her mom got with after the separation beat Fabiola.] I cannot understand what would possess someone to beat a child. I just hope Fabiola felt loved, heard, and cared for today, even though I didn't understand much of what she said. I'm feeling overwhelmed and unqualified for this job. But I'm so thankful for God's strength and patience to get me through. 9 months seems impossible right now, but nothing is impossible with God! One moment at a time."

Fabiola (in orange)

<3

Reading them one of my favorite childhood books in Spanish!!

Happy!

They love this barrel!

Hide and seek

Journal Entry 8/26/24

"It's a new day! Yesterday afternoon just made my heart really heavy. To see Fabiola caarrying so much pain hurt my heart a lot. Ellie was helpful in reminding me to focus on the hope Jesus offers rather than the immense sadness of the situation. The evening was wonderful, and for that I praise God!! The girls were in bed by 7:45, and there were no major difficulties! So so thankful for that gift from God!"

"Lord,

Please let my girls see You through me. Please give me words in Spanish to communicate to them. Thank you for all the help, endurance, and strength that you have given me. Please continue to uphold me and give me peace and patience that could only be from you. Please keep in the front of my mind what is most important. Even more than filling their bellies with food and covering their bodies with clothes, let me fill their souls with Your truth and clothe them in the peace, joy, and love that comes through the power of the Holy Spirit. Please fill me full and overflowing with Your Spirit that it may spill over in love and grace to my girls today. Thank you, Jesus, for all you've done!"

God is good!

On our way to the store

The store!

Comidaaaa!!

They had one comb for the entire house. So glad we brough lots!

They're a bunch of hair stylists.

Una casita

All smiles for the oranges!

The diet here is full of carbs.

They're the sweetest!

My first louse...a reality of life here.

These girls love hugs and putting their head against mine on my shoulder when I hold them. It is difficult adjustment, but the love is worth the lice. <3

I have officially been here for 10 days, and I can confidently say I have never experienced something so difficult. I have lived the hardest days of my life up to this point, and I have cried more in the last week than I have in the last year+. But at the same time I have experienced unspeakable joy as I look into the beautiful faces of the precious girls I am privileged to care for. 

The rollercoaster has been wild. The rate at which my girls change from absolutely refusing to obey (sometimes needing to be restrained from hurting others) to playing together and helping each other in perfect harmony makes my head spin. I never know what a day will hold, and while that can cause me anxiety in the morning as I get out of bed, it has given me great opportunity to focus on  life's many daily blessings and lean hard into the strength, love, and comfort that Jesus freely offers.

The greatest lesson I learned this week at a low spot on Tuesday morning (8/27/24) as I was worrying about my first day without my fellow houseparent (It was her day off, and I had the girls by myself.) was that I need to be so honest with God. My dad (who has so much wisdom <3) spoke so much truth into my heart over the phone, and I praise God for that! It is so easy to praise God for blessings when things are going well. However, I struggle to bring God my honest feelings of hopelessness and despair. It feels so wrong to bring anything but thanks to God when He has given me so much! But the first step in receiving the help God wants to give is to acknowledge that I need it so much! It's ok to tell God that I don't like it here right now. It's good to tell Him that I dread waking up in the morning, because I'm afraid I'll run into a situation I can't handle because of my limited Spanish. It is alright to feel unqualified and undeserving of such a great responsibility, because the reality is, I am!! And that's why I am able to experience God's strength in such a powerful way!  

Hopelessness and underqualification are feelings that I've experienced in such a deep way as I have struggled to establish expectations and boundaries for the girls in my house when I cannot communicate with them well. Good communication, the foundation of any healthy relationship, is something I do not have the privilege of having with my girls right now. I so desperately want to communicate my thoughts to them, and I so desperately want them to feel heard and understood. But that will come with time as I continue to learn the Spanish language. New challenges arise each day, but I have noticed so much growth already in my Spanish. I have learned to give myself more grace and not expect perfection. In the span of one moment, I became an English speaking, 19-year-old mom to 10 Spanish speaking girls (ages 5-13). The patience this job requires can only come from God, and I could not do it without God giving me that divine patience and love as each challenge arises.

laundry laundry laundry!!

So much love for my fellow houseparent!

School got cancelled...time to get the laundry done.

God provides encouragement through people. Thank you Sophia! <3

The laundry is finished....The line is full.

"Una rana!!!"

First new animal word I learned in Spanish...The frogs think the bathrooms are home.

My home

La Casa de las Flores

The bugs are just part of the family here.

Our sink was draining right into the backyard outside the house.

I'm so grateful for Aiden and Justin's help fixing many things around the house!

Screens for the bathroom windows means less frogs!

And no more cats climbing through the rips in the screens!

Making thank you cards for Teacher Aiden and Teacher Justin

"Teacher Kelsey! Oremos!"

I love praying with each of the girls every night.

She lost a tooth! :)

I'm so incredibly grateful for this amazing group of SM's that I'm blessed to serve with! <3

God is here. He always has been. He is walking through each moment right beside me. He loves each one of my girls way more than I ever could, and He is working to draw each of them to Himself. I am privileged to have the opportunity of being even a small part of that.

Soli Deo Gloria