Parenting and Patience
I have good news! I know more Spanish now than I did when I wrote my last blog post. I feel as though I have learned the words I need in order to communicate the most basic and necessary ideas and concepts of daily life to my girls. While I still only understand some of the things they say and have so much more to learn, I have seen so much improvement. Thank you for your prayers!
It might be a little optimistic to say I've settled in, but I feel less out-of-place than I did when I arrived. It is encouraging to experience improvement, and all I can do is thank God for His faithfulness and strength through it all. I have learned to lean and rely on God in a way I have never experienced before. I could not get through a day without His wisdom and strength upholding me mentally and physically.
I have plenty of photos from the last few weeks and will be including those since they communicate a lot more than words can. :)
Blue hanging out on my shoulder after Saturday night worship
Journal Entry 8/31/24
"Today was hard! I woke up feeling awful after a night of little sleep, much discomfort, and an upset stomach. I pushed through and went to church with the girls. However, I was miserable. I was running a low temp, so Sophia told me to go back to my house and get some sleep. I did, and it helped. When I heard the girls get back, I got up to help make lunch. By the time lunch was almost made, I was completely exhausted. Ellie was helping Lauren watch the girls, so I went back to bed. I slept a few hours as I could. I was really hot, so that made it hard. But when I got up, I felt a lot better. I didn't feel as achy and feverish. I ate a little broccoli and played my violin with a couple other SM's at the Lilas house. The girls were good about showering except Nirza (5). The sticker charts we made have been amazing motivation for all my girls except Nirza. She has no stars on her chart, and she doesn't seem to care at all. She absolutely refused to shower twice today. [She doesn't have to shower twice. We tried two different times to get her to shower.]"
Her punishment for refusing to shower was that she had to stay home and go to bed while the other girls went to the Lilas house to watch a movie. She refused to go to bed, because she was mad about her punishment. Although it is so extremely difficult and exhausting, Lauren and I have to follow through on our expectations for the girls. We are careful to remain very positive, so the girls know we are never mad at them. However, in order to maintain any sort of order, punishment and expectations must be maintained and carried out. That is one of the hardest parts of parenting these girls and requires divine patience and wisdom.
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Journal Entry 9/5/24
"This past week was exhausting. It's starting to get hotter, and the heat seems to just drain your energy right out of you. It also means the girls were inside much more since it was too hot to play much outside. It was tiring to have them around more, and that's what I'm struggling with right now. I love my girls, but I want to love them more. I want to view them less as a job/chore and more as a passion/mission. They are a daily, present opportunity to further the kingdom of God. I am drained and utterly exhausted. Many times I feel I have nothing left to offer them--no more strength to carry them on my back, no more energy to make something other than beans and rice for dinner, and no more brain power to figure out what they're saying in Spanish."
"What this job requires of me is huge, and I pray daily that God would give me all the strength, energy, and brain power I need to fulfill what He has called me to do. And guess what? HE HAS! Every. Single. Day. I am still here. All my girls have food to eat, clothes to wear, a bed in which to sleep, houseparents who love them, and God who loves them infinitely more. He has provided all I need and all they need every single day. The battle is mental and I must remind myself of the countless blessings God loads on me every day."
"Lord,
It is so easy to get stuck and lost in the exhaustion of parenting these girls here. Please give me greater love in my heart to see them, not as a duty, but as a passion and priceless opportunity to show true love. I feel burnt out, but I praise You that the light of Your love, peace, and strength always burns brightly. Please give me what You know I need today."
Journal Entry 9/11/24
"I can't sleep. It's almost midnight, and sleep is so precious here. But I have a lot on my mind. (And my legs are covered in itchy mosquito bites!) Today was chaotic because of the team of dentists/doctors/health volunteers here to work with the kids. I'm learning so much, but I learned in the last couple of days that disruptions in the kids' routines makes everything a lot harder! Most of them haven't had school for a week because of smoke in the air from the wildfires. That means that my precious few hours alone in the morning to have extra time for worship and to get my laundry, cleaning, etc. done hasn't happened for a while. Perhaps that's why I'm extra tired. Thankfully tomorrow is my day off! Although today was wild, God filled it with blessings! The girls wanted to cook lunch, so, even though it took them around 3 hours to finish making it all, it was one less meal Lauren and I had to make, and we enjoyed the break. Today, the girls all got their teeth cleaned and their hair treated for lice! Hopefully we'll all see a decrease in the amount of lice everyone has. I combed some out of my hair tonight and helped Ellie lice comb her hair too. I have to fight the urge to lice comb every night unless I want to come home bald!! I'll keep using tea tree oil to kill and repel them."
"I've seen God helping me through people. Today, He sent people right when we needed them. [Ellie had come to spend some time at the house, and she was there to watch the other girls when Lauren and I were busy calming down a screaming, angry, and fighting girl.] My youngest girl, Zeinet (5), who is the cutest and sweetest little gem, refused to get in bed because she was given her toilet paper after another girl. It was completely unreasonable and difficult to understand why she couldn't get over that, but when you consider the background/trauma of these kids it is easier to be compassionate and patient as their brains have been negatively affected by their experiences. I was upstairs putting the older girls to bed while Lauren and Teacher Gabi were enduring the fighting of Zeinet. It's quite shocking to see her that way, because 9 times out of 10 she's the sweetest, most calm and obedient of my girls. The blessing was Teacher Gabi, a Bolivian volunteer who has been helping in my house on certain days in the last few weeks. Being a Bolivian, she's fluent in Spanish. That was the blessing! Although Zeinet would not respond, Gabi was able to communicate to her easily so she could understand (something I've gotten better at but still have so far to go). She finally settled down, used the bathroom, and let Gabi put her in bed. She's sleeping now. Although I had a busier schedule and faced greater challenges today, God carried me through and provided what I needed in each moment. He is the most faithful Father! It's after midnight now, so I'm going to try and sleep again."
"Lord,
Thank you for all You gave me today. I recognize that any accomplishment and battle was won through You only. I cannot take any credit for the good that came out of today and the strength You provided in the difficult moments. Please help my mind to rest so I can sleep. Thank you for sleep and for recharging my body and heart to face another day. Thank you for walking with me through it all. I love you. Please give me greater love!"
As I close this post, I want to reflect on the challenge of parenting. I have gained so much more respect for good parenting. I feel like I'm in motherhood training at an extreme level, and I can't wait for the person I will be after all that God teaches me during these 8 months here. I have already learned so much! I'm currently learning how to be firmly gentle. My girls lie, whine, steal, speak mean words, hit, push, refuse to obey, etc. My heart's desire is to train and equip them to be successful adults. That means I have to correct these bad behaviors. I would appreciate prayer in knowing the best way to do that, considering the language barrier and their traumatic backgrounds. I need patience and love. I must express disapproval with gentle firmness and never with anger. May God give me the words to say and the wisdom to correct, and may He give my girls soft hearts and understanding ears. I want them to love Jesus more than anything. Only when they know and love Jesus will they truly want to live lives that honor and glorify Him. Please pray for me as I tackle the great challenges of parenting my 10 girls.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for all the sacrifices you made to make me who I am today. I cannot express my gratitude for the amazing parents you have been and continue to be for me. God has used you to heal me emotionally during my challenges here and to remind me that I am loved. You have spoken truth into my heart when I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel, and you have helped me to mentally reset with a healthier and more Christ-centered mindset toward my work here. By God's grace, I hope to be to my girls even half the parent figure I've been blessed to have in you both. I love you more than I can say, and I can't wait to see you again. Every Day Always <3
Thank you for your love and support. God is good all the time, and I am so blessed to experience His love and strength in a powerful way here. Thank you for sharing in the highs and lows of my life at Familia Feliz. I appreciate all the feedback and sweet encouraging messages from the people I love back home. It means the world to me. So much love across the miles!! <3
Psalm 115:1
"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!"
Soli Deo Gloria
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